Baby Substitute

Sometimes I sleep with a pillow next to me and pretend that was my baby. After reading this article, I feel I am not so crazy after all.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/oct/04/baby-robot-unveiled-in-japan-as-number-of-childless-couples-grows

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FET 1&2

In the first week of July I went to the doctor for my FET. I started taking Estradiol medicines but unfortunately I got fever on Day 11. I was in the hospital for  my consultation and scanning when I felt chilly and feverish. I thought it was the high AC in the waiting room so I went out to the balcony for some sun.

I got my temperature checked and it was 99 dec C. It got worse. When I was taking my intralipid infusion I was definitely feeling chilly and miserable. In the past the infusion felt very painful but this time I was more concerned about my feverishness. Anyway after I got home my temperature was 103 dec C. It turned out to be viral.

I thought let me suspend my FET and continue next month. But I got a call from the hospital saying I can take a medicine for 5 days and that will induce my period and I can start FET.

I wanted to wait for another month. So fingers crossed for FET this time.

Milestones

I turned 37 last month. Will be completing 8 years of married life tomorrow and also 8 years of trying to have a baby. So, yay….

Yesterday Aunt Flo came in….DH was upset….

I realised something… I am upset about infertility but I think I can live with it. What I can’t live without is DH’s support. He snapped at me quite a few times yesterday and today. That hurt more than my cramps, irritability and painful period.

Worst comes to worst, I think I will reconcile to the fact that we may never become parents, but I fear DH can’t come to terms with it.

Both of us feel like such failures. Especially since recently DH’s cousin had his second baby and we both got married around the same time. Don’t feel like celebrating our anniversary. I am thinking it’s anniversary, nothing ‘happy’ about it.

Update

I didn’t write for sometime. I had my second IVF in February this year and it failed.

We had two grade B embryos. Doctor said we’ll transfer one and freeze the other. She said the embryo was of good quality, like a text book example. Anyway, when we went to see her in March, she said we’ll do the FET and if that fails, we’ll go for a ERA test (Endometrial Receptive Array).

I wanted to take a break for a few months. I will go back in July. The last two months have been such a relief. Not having to inject myself and not worrying about every little bodily change and wondering if that’s a pregnancy symptom.

I am thinking one FET and failing which one more IVF. That’s it. After that it’s the end to this financial and emotional roller coaster.

Ring out the old, Ring in the new

2015 was interesting. It was my first IVF year. I continued writing the blog which I started in November 2014. I became an aunt for the first time this year.

For many years I wanted to reduce my caffeine intake. In 2015 I managed to reduce it by 50%. I have replaced my morning cuppa with warm water and lemon. I take only one cup of coffee in the afternoon.

I also wanted to lose some weight (well, who doesn’t). I must say while I haven’t reduced I have also not piled on kilos either. So, it’s okay. MY BMI is borderline. I walk at least 150 minutes every week.

The first week of the new year that means it’s time for making resolutions. I have one and only resolution for 2016. Capital, Underlined and Bold.

  1. GET PREGNANT