Back To Miserable

My nephew’s naming ceremony is next Sunday. I made the mistake of mentioning to my husband what my mother is going to gift. She is going to give a really exquisite piece of jewellery to the baby. Hubby started mumbling something about how we are never going to have such an occasion.

There is a joke about a man who complains to his mother in law that her daughter doesn’t work properly. The mother in law replies that the guarantee period is over and the manufacturer is not responsible!

Except that this is not a joke for me. My husband indeed blames my mother for giving him a ‘defective piece’. He thinks my mother hasn’t done a good job of raising me because I am not good at housekeeping or preparing a variety of dishes. On top of that infertility and its related depression isn’t helping the cause.

Earlier this year I was feeling good and optimistic. But again of late I am back to feeling miserable. I feel like I have swam more than half way and close to my destination. Instead of reaching the end, I am drowning.

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5 thoughts on “Back To Miserable

  1. How I wish I could give you a tight hug !

    Dear, you must understand something. You didn’t marry him to cook good food, keep home clean. You didn’t marry him to give him a child. You married him to have a companionship. It is hard to face this life alone. If we have a person to share our happiness and sadness, life gets much better.

    I am sorry you are feeling miserable. Only if you both have an understanding and support each other, it is possible to overcome infertility, otherwise not. I think the problem is not the lack of baby. Even if you have a baby, if there is no love in relationship, nothing is going to be OK. You will always feel miserable.

    I sincerely wish you both must sit and talk. If possible, meet a marriage counselor. Your husband shouldn’t behave the way he does. He shouldn’t abuse you in anyway. And, you are not defective in anyway. Infertility is not your problem, it doesn’t define you. You are a beautiful soul who must be loved, appreciated and respected.

    I am sorry you are going through this !

    Please write to me your IVF details ! You haven’t yet. manjupadmasekar@yahoo.com

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  2. Hi! I found your blog through google. This year alone I dealt with a job layoff and a blighted ovum miscarriage and then an announcement from my husband that he doesn’t want to try again in the near future. I am a miserable wreck myself and spend my days crying, often feeling like i have nothing to live for. I am so sorry you are going through this. Know you are not the only one. Sometimes adulting really stinks, esp when you are trying to be an adult and nothing is working out.

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    • Dear Feeling Miserable, I can understand how you are feeling. I’ve been going through infertility treatments for 5 years. I had 2 major miscarriages, one at 4 months and another at 2 months. After that I opted for a donor egg IVF; the first time hcg levels rose but during the 6.5 week scan the sac was mising and after that 2 other IVF’s also resulted in failure. I’m thinking of trying once again but have lost all hope. You are not alone in this journey. There are so many other women who are going through this! May God give us the strength to bear all this!

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